Is Your Self-Esteem Down Around Your Ankles? Is It Lower Than the Threshold?

This is not an exaggeration... I’ve had a number of clients who were this afraid and severely lacking in confidence.

If you are codependent, this is one of the most notable behavioral patterns where low self-esteem in evident; and it is greatly aggravated by the abuse which one can receive at the hands of a person in a battering pattern.

But this page won't go into the details of this oh, so prevalent pattern, because other pages here deal with that. We want to look at the need for self-esteem among all people...

No matter what your life lacks, no matter what you desire to be different for you, no matter how it is in your family, or your relationships (with yourself, with your significant other, with your family, with your kids — no matter how your kids are turning out — at the bottom of all that, lies the need for self-esteem, confidence, the personal healing and growth that make it happen. Nothing improves without that! Not for you, nor for anyone...

In every page on this site, no matter what the pattern or problem is that I am writing about, the underlying need is for greater self-esteem. This is the first thing we address in our growth process here at Life Directions Counseling Center — your self-esteem must improve before you are successfully able to apply these TOOLS to any other thing in your life. This is one of the primary differences (if I haven’t made that point already on other pages) between this beyond-traditional counseling therapy and every other traditional therapy out there! This is the first reason why this method works! The next is all of the progressive tools it includes.

Growth and change do not happen without the underlying change in how you feel about yourself happening first! If I haven’t made that point clearly already, let me make it very clear now... the reason everyone has such a difficult time doing anything they desire to do, changing anything they desire to change in their lives, is that they don’t have the confidence that they can do it; they don't have the confidence in themselves, in their abilities, in their lovability, in their coming across the way they wish to, in the respect they desire from others, the support they will receive, and so on.

It is a self-esteem, confidence issue that underlies every dysfunctional pattern, every addiction, every way you can feel bad about yourself and your life. And that includes depression.

In our growing up years, we have been damaged in numerous ways, and always it affects our self-esteem, how we feel about ourselves, whether we feel we can succeed, tackle a challenge, do a job, get good grades in school, make life work for ourselves, be good parents, get our children’s respect. If we have received negative messages, put-downs, limiting ideas, abuse (of any kind), or if we have witnessed abuse from one parent to the other, and many other traumas, all of this affects us and how well we do in the world, in our relationships, how we raise our kids, and what we teach them.

These patterns continue to pass down, generation after generation, until we, ourselves, do the work of healing, growth and change. As long as we are unhealthy, our children become unhealthy.

You must take responsibility for your life, for your parenting, for your relationships; and rather than blame your parents, start now to make it different, for yourself, and for your own kids. That is truly the only way it happens. (Blaming is fruitless; we must take responsibility, as adults, for what happens and the results we get in life, from here on.)

In this therapy you will come to understand that your parents are the way they are because that is what they learned growing up. Then you can gradually grow into forgiving, as well. We learn what we live.

If You Enable...
When You Can’t Say No...

When we enable another (our kids, our mate, our friends, whomever it may be) we do it out of our own low self-esteem. When we give in to someone we don’t want to give in to, we do it out of wanting them to love, like, respect, approve of us, etc. (low self-esteem). When we love ourselves, approve of ourselves, truly like who we are, and are confident in what we have to offer, then we don’t feel the need to buy anyone’s love, attention or approval. We learn to give that to ourselves.

This is what you learn how to do first in The Golden Keys Therapy... to love yourself, to raise your self-esteem, your confidence, your self-image, your personal power and pride in yourself. All of this, and so much more.

No Matter What You Want...

No matter what else you wish to see change in your results, this must come first, and it does here. Make no mistake about that. As you read the testimonials of my clients, they all got where they did because they did the work to raise their self-esteem first.

Unfortuately, sometimes that makes our clients feel so good early on, they think they are ‘done’ when they are only just getting started! (That’s, sadly, one of the mistaken impressions feeling good about oneself can give.) Not to be confused with resistance, which is usually there, too. You need to know that feeling good about yourself is just the beginning, and it doesn’t last without continuing on through to completion.

I want you to know that whatever you need to have different in your results, it must happen in the right order, and learning to love yourself — getting your self-esteem up — must come first, so we address that first here. And it works! It is one of the main “Keys” to why this therapy works! Then, be sure you get ALL of the tools — all the rest of the “Keys”!

So read on, and know that low self-esteem underlies all unproductive behavior, all addictions, all insecurities, all family problems, all lack of success in life, all dysfunctions. And we’ll take it from there, with your individual challenges, and growth goals.

Trust me, this therapy works for whatever daily challenges and worries you carry with you — for whatever ways you’d like your life to work better, and that of your family, your kids, your spouse! As you change, there is a ripple effect, and those around you must respond to you differently than they have been. I promise!

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Jannette Robert Murray