This is probably the most unusual ‘guarantee’ you’ll find on the Internet!

And how do I guarantee that you’ll use them? Well, I cannot of course, but I do guarantee that WHEN you use them,

• as I give them to you,
• regularly,
• consistently,
• in depth,
• and ongoing,

• Raise your self-confidence / the way you feel about yourself — this is the first, and most essential to all of the rest;

• Learn to love yourself;

• Heal past trauma and abuse;

• Heal relationship patterns and learn new communication skills;

• Improve your relationships with significant others, with family, with friends, with co-workers;

• Achieve your dreams; expect gradual and significant improvement in career, finances and overall success;

• ...all of this equal to your application of what you are given to do, and the personal growth you allow yourself to achieve.

Disclaimer/Proviso —

You must get at the causes of your pattern and heal those for this to work; you cannot skirt childhood stuff — it affects us all, and the only way out is through!

You cannot attempt to treat the symptoms with Band-aids®...

The only way out is through... you must do the work... the process of change, from the inside out.

...so with that being said:

Here is the Unique Guarantee —

Stay with the program — give it a minimum of twelve months; most individuals with average situations and backgrounds (“average” as to those whom I see, not average as compared with the rest of society) must expect their therapy to require plus or minus of a year-and-a-half (perhaps less now, with newer tools that can help to get you unstuck)... it might be closer to a year plus or minus. Clients with more severe situations and backgrounds will probably require two, up to three years to complete their therapy, but that’s rare.

The variants will include:

• How severe your pattern/situation is when you begin;

• How severe your background environment was;

• How much denial and resistance you experience as you progress through your therapy (everyone does);

• How well you identify the resistance you experience, and work to grow through it (staying out of denial that you have any); and allow my help to recognize and work through it;

• How far ‘down’ your self-esteem is;

• How much support (or abuse) you receive from your partner as you do this;

• (and perhaps whether or not they are also doing this therapy); and

• How thoroughly and completely you do your homework assignments ...on a regular basis ...all the way through your counseling therapy.

Any interruptions in your therapy will also delay your progress in the overall; this is because you are more likely to slide back during any period when you are not actively in therapy.

Religiously do the homework; don’t just do it by rote, put your heart and feeling and thought into it; be willing to look at yourself and what you’ve been doing in your past patterns, and the results you’ve gotten from that; be open with yourself, with your group and with me.

The homework makes all the difference. Leaving out pieces that you want to avoid or with which you feel uncomfortable will hold up your progress. The parts you avoid are those you most need to do!

Recognize when you are in denial and resistance. Resistance is normal for all of us, and will happen at various stages throughout your growth. Reread THE RECOVERY PROCESS, and other resistances pages and homework given to you; know that this is just a stage, one of many which you will likely encounter, which present walls to you – to learn how to knock down, climb over, go around, or dissolve with your mental and healing work.

Also be prepared to recognize when your mate’s resistance is at play. Very often this resistance will wear a face called “Finances”! S/he will perhaps be threatened by the changes you are beginning to demonstrate, and may give you messages of guilt regarding the “money you are spending on yourself”.

If you truly want to be well, it is necessary to see/work through all of these kinds of resistance — whether from your own subconscious or from those in your life — and to keep on keeping on. You always find a big growth spurt on the other side of such walls!

Never quit (till we graduate you); keep on with the work and you do work through these stages. It is all-too-common for people to allow themselves to be sabotaged into quitting their therapy, and they always regret it later, because the result of not completing is always sliding back into pattern. If we want to have our lives work for us, not against us, (which is possible in every department of our lives), we must complete.

Remember that it is often a part of our patterns that we don’t keep our commitments to ourselves; we don’t stay with things, or follow through. That, too, will change — just keep regular in your attendance with your private sessions and your group meetings. Take responsibility for your life from here on out (no blaming, no excuses). You’ll be glad you did.

Remember that if you and your mate are not doing the work to get healthy — all the way through to completion, you are passing on these or similar patterns to your children. The inheritance and progression of these patterns can only be stopped by doing the healing and growth therapy work you need (and if your life isn’t working in any area — you do have the need!) We know of no other therapy that works the way this does!

I like the Ashleigh Brilliant Pot-Shots cartoon which said:

“My teachings are guaranteed to be satisfactory,
or
you may have all your old beliefs back.”

• Ask yourself where your old beliefs and behaviors have gotten you so far.

• Ask yourself if you want them to keep repeating.

• Remind yourself that co-dependence and all dysfunctional patterns, as alcoholism, are progressive diseases, and they are potentially fatal.

Perhaps it is time to reread WOMEN WHO LOVE TOO MUCH, as well as Robin Norwood’s second book, LETTERS FROM WOMEN WHO LOVE TOO MUCH. This second book has much in it to help you work through the layers of resistance and denial. (I do not recommend, and suggest you ignore, her (addictive) emphasis on 12-Step Programs.)

DO NOT EXPECT OVERNIGHT OR RAPID RESULTS; WE DIDN’T GET THE WAY WE ARE OVERNIGHT, AND WE DO NOT GET WELL OVERNIGHT; YOUR PATTERNS CAN’T SWITCH TO HEALTHY BALANCE THAT FAST EITHER!

AGAIN — I GUARANTEE RESULTS, BUT YOU HAVE TO STAY WITH IT — A MINIMUM OF ONE YEAR, OR LONGER (AS DICTATED BY YOUR OWN SITUATION) — and that might mean two years — rarely has anyone in therapy with me needed three years or more, unless they just weren’t ready to give up their addictions.

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